Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tears
it's surprising, how sometimes you think you know people, then they show you how much you don't really know them.
it's surprising, how sometimes you just want to believe some people, although somewhere deep within you know they can't be trusted with anything.
it's surprising, how sometimes you thought you had no more feelings left entangled in this mess, yet tears roll down silently when it starts to straighten out, bit by bit, word by word.
i hate myself for the weakling i have become, when i wasn't looking, when i wasn't paying attention.
i have become overly dependent on others, to the extent that i willingly allow myself to be manipulated to their means.
i am weak. for allowing my emotions to overrun my logic, i am weak. and for my weakness, i need training.
but, it still hurts, you know. it still hurts, when all of a sudden, all that you thought real was but a facade. all that you believed to be true was simply your own imagination.
hell, i can't even begin to express myself now. but that doesn't remove the pain much now, does it? it's not like expressing it will help much anyway.
forgive me, this entry is unlike me.
after love dies, all that's left are memories..
|11:23 PM|
Tears
Disappointed
2010
End of Zero Nine
Lost
Prelude- Year End Summary
AFA 2009
Shiawase
Tired
Experience
I never allowed myself to love, because love requires one to show others his weakness.
I used to think that all I had to do was to create an image of myself for others to see, a whole facade, a whole front. With it's own weaknesses and strengths, that do not correspond at all with who I actually am.
But the truth is, you can't be too people at once. When I took up the skin of this new role, it merged with who I was, and a whole new me appeared, a me that was a mixture of who I was, and who I wanted to be. Something stuck inbetween. Something incomplete.
It's ironic. All the while, I've been waiting for a chance to be the main character of the story, the one with the adventure. The one with the stories to tell. Then I found out that I already AM the main character, that of my own little story.
So now, the question is, what's the difference between the main character and the sub characters in a story?
And what am I going to do about it?
this is a story written on a typewriter the delete button just doesn't exist.
